Dead along the way...?

We were just talking, and I just came to realize, something I´m very affraid off, but weither I like it or not, will happen to all of us.
What is it with people?, how come we change so much through the years?. Could it be possible that as we keep on living, and we gain experience and knowledge, and good and bad, most of the times is the BAD that defines us the most?, do you realize that experience makes us wizer and most of times also makes us sad, represive, unpatience and unwilling to live people?
Its like if you think about it, the "child" inside of you starts dissapiering... like when you wanna turn to it, you can tell its not really there anymore, its like you´ve killed it, and didnt even do it on purpose, but its gone... Do we call this grow up? becoming an adult? maybe.. Its a fucking bullshit really. I remember thinking to myself as I was a little child, how am I gonna be when I grow up? and all this imagenes ran through my mind, trying to predect my own future, and as the days go by, I dont find myself thinking about the future so willingly, and I even try not to think about the little child that used to picture itself as a grown up, its like the child inside of me, the one that i used to be, its gone for good. Like all through my life, I killed it in a way, we all have our history, and the good and the bad, I mean, we are alive after all, and thats the beauty of it all, but is it really that great?, what if you come to the point of realizing you´ve done nothing good with your life, that you are just a big waste of time, that nothing is really that worth it..
What if you happen to notice, that maybe you are not that worth it after all, there you were as a child, thinking you were gonna be the very next great thing, and here you are, not that much of a great thing. One of my friends told me the other day, You lost the ability of dreaming, its like you dont belive in fairy tales anymore.. I replied... Never did, never will.. Sorry people, but that kinda things just dont happen to me, I will really love it to, having something to believe so strongly, so deep inside, that it will actually give me some ... I think the word im looking for its Faith, and I cant help to laugh about it.. me.. talkin bout faith? If you know me... you will laugh as well, but know that just mentioning the word, does not mean I have some, in fact, I´ve lost it throughout my life, its gone, it went away with that kid I used to be, I killed both of them, as I killed a lot of feelings in the way, as I keep hurting myself for everything I´ve done wrong during my not so short years...
NOTE: If you are lucky enough and still dont know me, pls run away you dont wanna do it know.. Im just screwed....